Introduction
In this essay I examine the most modern meaning of “hack”
(essentially, short for “life hack”) and provide a half dozen useful life hacks
that I’ve stumbled upon myself.
First, some
etymological rambling
I most recently came across hack-as-a-noun in The New Yorker, which had four essays
from various writers under the heading “Life Hacks.” These essays—which needless to say inspired
this one—included a software recommendation, a critique of A.I. cooking, an essay about gaming Twitter, and an examination of whether screen time is bad for kids.
As recently as 2004, The
New Yorker itself defined “hack” very differently. The term was only
described in the sense of computer meddling, though the article allowed that
“hacker” could mean—in geek parlance—“a righteous dude.” In modern parlance, “hack” can be a noun—not
in the original noun sense of “a rough cut, blow, or stroke,” “a writer or
journalist producing dull, unoriginal work,” or “a horse for ordinary
riding”—but as a reverse formation from the verb “to hack,” meaning to do
something in an unconventional way.
Urbandictionary.com’s top definition of “lifehack” is (as of the moment), “A tool or technique that makes some aspect of one's
life easier or more efficient.” (“Hack”
in the sense of computer hacking—or “cracking,” as pedants now describe the
illegal stuff—is gradually being displaced.)
The first time I heard of “hack” as life hack was around a
year ago when a mom on my kid’s high school mountain bike team asked, “What do
you think of this hack: after a muddy
ride, I take my daughter’s bike to the self-service car wash and spray it off
with the high pressure nozzle.” (In case
you’re wondering, this is a bad idea: such
a powerful spray can get past the seals on the bike’s bearings and destroy them.) I answered, “Fine hack, but you better watch
out for the NSA.” No I didn’t. (I warned her about the bearings.)
And now, on to the life hacks I recommend.
Life hack #1: switch from cotton to wool
It might seem strange for a Californian to recommend wool
over cotton. It’s warm and sunny
year-round here like in Baywatch,
right? Well, not exactly … it does get
cool and damp here, which bothers us because we’re all wusses. Plus, Californians still sometimes get rained on, which is the sweet spot for wool because wool keeps you warm even when it’s
wet. If you live in a place with real
winters, you’ll get even more benefit.
But warmth isn’t all wool has going for it. It also feels less clammy on the skin (very important
when you’re hot and sweaty) and, in the case of socks, is more comfortable and
durable than cotton. Wool socks provide
better cushion, don’t slide down your leg, and don’t become threadbare at the
heel. Don’t tell anybody this, but I
like to wear wool cycling socks with my business suit. They’re tall enough that nobody would ever
know!
Synopsis: Wool is
like cotton on steroids.
Life hack #2: stop trying to get your cat to love you
(Note: if you don’t
have a cat, run right out and get one, preferably from the pound, and then come back and finish this essay.)
Pet ownership (or, as they say in Berkeley, “human guardianship of companion animals”) can be hard, especially with cats. We
love them so much, but they don’t love us back!
They turn their noses up, or more to the point turn away so their butts
are in our faces. In short, cats are
disloyal, snooty, and antisocial. It’s
heartbreaking.
But if you stop dreaming of a love that can never be, and
accept the truth about cats, you’ll realize it has its benefits. Their attitude takes all the pressure off,
frankly. It’s impossible to disappoint a
cat, and almost impossible to sell a cat short.
All a cat wants is regular feeding, a roof over his or her head, and a
clean cat box. So you never feel guilty! What dog owner hasn’t regretted his or her
inability—or, let’s admit it, unwillingness—to give poor Waldo the attention,
walkies, and love that he deserves?
Then there’s the matter of energy levels. Most of us humans are tired all the
time. The way a cat naps 24x7, she does
a pretty good job of seeming to relate.
Contrast this with the burden of a dog’s crazy energy: the frenzied greeting at the door, the
bounding around, the almost pathetic hope he musters up when you go anywhere
near his leash. I don’t think I could
handle it. Much better to pick up a cat
when you feel like it, pet her a little, notice her complete apathy, and walk
away convinced that there’s no need to try any harder.
Once you acknowledge these benefits and stop craving the
attention this beast will never give you, it’s easy to love her all the more,
even if most of your human/cat interaction is you watching her sleep.
Synopsis: a cat is
like your pet dog on Quaaludes.
Life hack #3: go back to traditional books
Embracing the very latest meaning of “hack,” here’s an
ironic one: “Stop futzing with
technology in your spare time.” That is,
set aside your phone, your tablet, and your laptop and spend some more time
with traditional books. Since most of
our leisure time is in the evening, the main benefit of books is that they
don’t interfere with sleep. There are so
many studies out now about screen time causing insomnia, I won’t bother to cite
any (but here is a listing to get you started). The
idea is that the bright screen confuses your brain and inhibits melatonin
production.
Beyond any issues around sleep, old-school books, unlike
various screen-based sources of text, can be bought used, borrowed, or checked
out from the library. Thus, you don’t have to pay for
them—whether with your money or your privacy.
Plus, reading a traditional book also increases the odds
that you’re reading something worthwhile; after all, a publisher wouldn’t spend
good money printing most of the folderol on the Internet—all the blogs, online
magazines, tweets, and mindless comments from haters.
Perhaps best of all, you can read a paper-bound book in bed
without bothering your spouse/other.
Sure, there are some who wouldn’t mind the intrusion of a Kindle,
tablet, or phone, but there are plenty more—like mine—who mind very much. In fact, my wife put her foot down and won’t allow
my smartphone in the bedroom at all. On
the flip side, I really doubt there’s a spouse/other on the planet who insists
on a screen instead of a book.
Besides, isn’t there just something so cozy about a good
old-fashioned book?
Synopsis: a paper
book is like an e-book on selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors.
Life hack #4: drink your coffee black
I won’t elaborate a lot on this because I wrote a whole
essay about it: click here.
Synopsis: coffee,
neat.
Life hack #5: get thee to a library
I am so sick of
people telling me, “I can’t believe you
don’t have Netflix!” You know what? Netflix—just like the cable TV companies—can go
straight to Hell (where they’ll surely join bike thieves, telemarketers, and
tobacco industry executives). Since you’re
forking out good money for these subscription-based services, you have a
built-in lizard-brain impulse to get your money’s worth, which leads to all
kinds of wasted time. And you know what
else? I happen to know—because I surf
Netflix when I donate platelets—that their movie selection is bad and getting worse. Twice I’ve started a movie—and not my first
choice, mind you, because they didn’t have it—hoping to finish it next time,
only to discover on my next visit that the movie I’d been watching is no longer
available.
My library, on the other hand, has all kinds of movies. I can reserve them online, pick them up from
my local branch when they’ve been brought over, and keep them for 3 or 6 or 9
weeks, so I can watch them when I get around to it. Often, when I happen to be at the library,
I’ll grab a few movies practically at random and give them a try. If, after 10 minutes, I’m not enjoying the
movie, I’ll just eject it and try another.
Costs me nothing.
This works the same with books, of course, with the added
benefit that you don’t have to struggle with the great debate of whether it’s harmful
to authors and publishers to order from Amazon.
An added bonus is that the library is a great place to hang out, enjoy some
peace and quiet (and free WiFi), and get some work done, without having to
order coffee or food to pay your rent. Meanwhile,
you’re supporting a public institution which, as recently lamented by a fine author, is under threat (at least in the UK, and probably in this country as well).
Synopsis: a library
is like getting Netflix, Amazon, and a coffee shop on the house.
Life hack #6: only drink with friends
A famous Harvard study on happiness, which tracked 268 men from all walks of life over a 75-year span, proposes
two central ways to prolong and enjoy your life: value your relationships and don’t abuse
alcohol. As described here, the study found that alcoholism among those studied “was the main cause of
divorce” and “was strongly correlated with neurosis and depression.” And as quoted here, the main author of the study, Dr. George Vaillant, declared, based on the
evidence, “Our relationships with other people matter, and matter more than
anything else in the world.”
After losing a good friend of mine this summer to a tragic
accident, I decided to try to get out and see friends more. Simultaneously, I noted my 10-pound weight
gain since the previous summer, and (as I cannot bring myself to eat less food)
decided that my (albeit moderate) alcohol consumption had to come down a
bit. So now I don’t stock my fridge with
beer anymore. If I want a drink, I have
to go out. From the Harvard study
perspective, I’m killing two birds with one stone. Is it working? Yeah, I think so. I’m seeing more of my friends, and have lost
half that extra weight.
Synopsis: imagine
this initially breezy essay bogged down with bulgur wheat, flax seed, and other
dietary fiber. Yeah, sorry about that.
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