Biased Blow-By-Blow - 2023 Tour de France Stage 20

Introduction

Maybe you don’t have time to watch the Tour de France, or maybe you don’t want to pony up all that money for Peacock Plus or GCN+, or maybe you just like the race “story” pre-masticated for you. Who knows, maybe you just enjoy the work of a quasi-journalist who isn’t afraid to fabricate escapades from whole cloth when a bike race starts to get boring. Whatever the case, you’re here, so read on for my no-punches-pulled blow-by-blow of the last mountain stage of the 2023 Tour de France.

(Oh, and if you somehow missed the last two weeks of the race, I’ll distill that here for you along the way.)

2023 Tour de France Stage 20 – Belfort to Le Markstein Fellering

As I join the action, with about 90 kilometers to go, there’s been a big crash which apparently caused a split, and the rider sitting second on GC, previous Tour winner Tadej Pogacar (UAE Team Emirates), isn’t even in the lead group with current race leader Jonas Vingegaard (Jumbo-Visma). The riders are just about to start the second climb of the day, the Category 2 Col de la Croix de Moinats.

Caught in the crash were Carlos Rodriguez (Ineos Granadiers), and Sepp Kuss (Jumbo-Visma). Rodriguez’s face is bleeding near his eye. Poor dude.

What a long, strange Tour it’s been. How can Pogacar not even be in the lead group, when for so long he and Vingegaard were neck-and-neck? Things change fast and after two bad days in a row, Pogacar is no longer much of a threat to the Dane. But to not even be in the GC group on the last mountain stage? That’s just kind of sad. It’s also more intrigue than I’d expected so early in the morning. I haven’t even had my coffee—it’s still brewing. In fact it’s probably ready.

As I return to the action, F— has usurped  my laptop.

The GC group has come back together, in the sense that Vingegaard is back in it. Evidently he was approached by Warren Barguil (Team Arkea-Samsic) who said something like, “Dude, you’re shackling the buzz of this break, your being here will force UAE to catch us, don’t be a dick.” So Vingegaard dropped back to the Pogacar group. No point making enemies in the peloton and he doesn’t need to take more time anyway.

Poor Kuss is really banged up and is getting dropped. You know it’s bad when a rider’s face is bandaged.

The breakaway has just 20 seconds … do I bother giving you their names? Wait, before I do that, there’s news: Thibaut Pinot (Groupama-FDJ) has attacked the GC group and is hauling ass up to the breakaway!

And he’s caught the group, just at the summit of the Col de Grosse Pierre, where current King of the Mountains Giulio Ciccone (Lidl – Trek) takes maximum points.

Given the name of this climb, Col de Grosse Pierre, should we worry about fat-shaming? Is this the Pierre from that children’s book who didn’t care about anything? Not so fast. Pierre is also the French word for “rock” so the translation is simply “big rock pass.” No insult to anyone, we’re good here, move along, move along.

They’re doing a little side show, a profile of Rodriguez, who sits fourth on GC, 1:16 off the podium. Comically, they are including interviews with his directeur sportif and some Spanish journalist, who are both speaking Spanish, and nobody is bothering to translate. I guess it’s the network’s way of saying, “We know you never pay attention to these side shows anyway.”

Others in the lead group are Mattias Skjelmose (Lidl-Trek), Barguil, Rigoberto Uran (EF Education-Easypost), Thomas Pidcock (Ineos Granadiers), and Maxime van Gils (Lotto Dstny). I can’t believe I bothered to get all their names when they only have a minute on the GC group with 65 kilometers to go. If you don’t feel my pain, consider how hard it is to even spell names like Giulio and Skjelmose.

Theres’ a chasing trio, just 17 seconds back, of Kevin Vermaerke (Team DSM), Chris Harper (Team Jayco Alula), and Valentin Madouas (Groupama/FDJ), who’s rocking the French national champion jersey. In the time it took me to spell-check all that, they’ve caught the leaders and the GC group is still like a minute down.

Pinot has had a disappointing Tour, and it’s his last ever because he’s somehow gotten so damn old (tell me about it), and he sits all the way back in 12th on GC, over 27 minutes down.

In the GC group, Marc Soler (UAE Team Emirates) finishes off one of those tiny little cans of soda that the Europeans drink. This is why they’re so much more svelte than the average American. That and riding like 400 miles a week.

At the summit of the Category 3 Col de la Schlucht, Ciccone takes maximum points and—wow, this is novel—does a victory salute.

He’s celebrating because he now has enough KOM points that all he has to do is finish this Tour and he’ll wear the polka-dot jersey on the final podium. I hate his polka-dot shorts, by the way. White cycling shorts are always a no-no, and with so much polka-dot going on, he looks like that weird animal from Put Me In the Zoo.

So, let’s back up and talk about the GC battle. Since Stage 9 (see my report here), during which Pogacar took nine seconds out of Vingegaard, the GC continued to tighten up in Stage 13, with Pogacar taking another eight seconds (a four-second gap at the finish with a four-second time bonus), so that only nine seconds separated the riders on GC. The next day was totally nuts: the two riders, having dropped all the others, marked each other near a mountain summit like track riders, neither wanting to lead out the sprint for the time bonus on offer. Vingegaard finally launched a sprint and took the bonus, but Pogacar beat him in the stage to also get a time bonus, and the net result was Vingegaard’s GC lead going up by just 1 second, to 10 total. It was shaping up to be the best Tour since 1989.

As the riders hit the base of the penultimate climb, the Category 1 Petit Ballon, Pinot attacks the breakaway!

And now, what’s this? They’ve let a woman out on the course!

Look how happy she looks! And how blurry that background is … she’s going so much faster than the men! It must be true: the future is female.

Wait a second. Look at that background. It’s the fenced-off area indicating the final kilometer of a race. You know what? They’re showing some kind of past footage of a women’s race. Oh, I see now. It’s some kind of promo for the Tour de France Femmes. I think I need more coffee.

Skjelmose has been dropped.

Back in the GC group, UAE Team Emirates are setting tempo with Soler on the front.

Getting back to my recap, the GC battle lost a lot of its luster in Stage 16, the time trial, where Vingegaard took a massive 1:38 out of Pogacar. Even more remarkable was Stage 17, where Pogacar totally cracked and lost over five minutes. So now the most interesting GC battle is for the final podium spot, with Adam Yates (UAE Team Emirates) defending third by the 1:18 I already told you about (Rodriguez).

Pinot attacks again, and only his teammate Madouas can respond. Madouas is tucked so neatly in behind Pinot, I can’t even see him. I can just feel his presence because the Force is strong in him.

Oh, maybe not so much. Now Pinot drops him, too.

This stage is on Pinot’s home turf, and naturally he’d planned something for the last mountain stage in his last Tour, so they interviewed him before the stage. Here’s what he had to say.

INTERVIEWER: What are your thoughts heading into this final Grand Tour mountain stage?

PINOT: I’m feeling a bit wistful, as you can imagine.

INTERVIEWER: Because your career is coming to an end?

PINOT: Well yeah, of course, but also because the sport seems to be changing. It’s not so beautiful anymore.

INTERVIEWER: In what sense?

PINOT: Well, they banned that style of riding where you put your forearms on the tops of the bars to create an aero position, as though you were using an aero bar, and so now lots of bikes have these goofy handlebars that are really narrow at the top, and then the drops are canted out to the side, almost like on a gravel bike, and it’s disgusting.

INTERVIEWER: But the Tour is so much bigger than just the bikes, isn’t it?

PINOT: Yeah, but other things have deteriorated. You have all these male fans running around in underwear, not even proper boxers but tighty-whiteys, and as they run alongside the riders they let their asses hang out. I cannot understand their motivation.

INTERVIEWER: Um … okay. Good luck today.

Full disclosure: nobody translated the interview from the French, and I had to guess at a lot of it. And actually, I must confess I made some of it up. Okay, all of it. I don’t even know if the French have a term for “tighty-whiteys.”

A chasing trio has formed behind, with Pidcock, Barguil, and Harper. They’re about 30 seconds behind Pinot.

Now Pidcock and Barguil drop Harper and the gap rather quickly comes down to 20 seconds.

The crush of fans is pretty incredible.

Now the lead starts to go out again. Perhaps Pinot is being buoyed along by the fans.

Back in the GC group, UAE still sets tempo, just in case Pogacar finds some life in his legs.

Ah, I spoke too soon. Now Jumbo-Visma moves to the front with Wilco Kelderman setting a nice pace for Vingegaard.

Pinot crests the Petit Ballon summit with a 33-second gap. He goes for a gel. I wonder how he’ll fare on this 10-kilometer descent … he’s not known for descending well, whereas Pidcock is arguably the best in the business.

Oh, no! What’s this? David Gaudu (team leader of Groupama-FDJ, sitting 10th overall) has dismounted rather suddenly!

I have a feeling this wasn’t just a pee stop. Ah, they’re showing a replay … he crashed in the sharp curve. He looks to be in pain but he’s getting a new bike and will go on.

Okay, this is really weird. Pidcock is being distanced on this descent by the other two. I would never have predicted this. It’d be like Taylor Swift being upstaged at a concert by the opening band. It just isn’t supposed to happen.

I will confess that I know almost nothing about Taylor Swift so my metaphor could be weak. That said, it’s never a bad idea to include the name of a pop star, such as Taylor Swift, in a blog post to increase pageviews. Taylor Swift Taylor Swift Taylor Swift.

Pinot is managing to maintain most of his lead on this descent, which must be very satisfying for him. And now he’s on the final climb.

Gosh, his lead is suddenly coming down a bit. I have to admit, I’d like to see him win this stage, to go out with a bang. I mean, the crowd favorite, the longtime underdog, winning big on his last try … it would make a kind of corny story, like an ABC After School Special, but I like Pinot. (The rider, not the wine. I have no use for wine.)

The gap is down to 13 seconds, and of course the chasers aren’t all Pinot has to worry about. The GC group is now less than a minute behind, and if Pogacar has one more big attack in him, that could close up pretty quickly.

Pidcock is hauling ass and now they’ve dropped Harper again.

In the GC group, Rafal Majka (UAE Team Emirates) hammers the front for Pogacar.

And now Pogacar attacks!

Only Vingegaard can respond!

But Pogacar seems to fizzle a bit! And now he’s looking around, as if to say hey, is anybody else coming?

And now Felix Gall (AG2R Citroen Team) blows by them and they grab his wheel.

Behind, the Yates brothers attack together.

And Pinot is caught! He looks back and can probably just see the GC group approaching.

And now the entire original breakaway is dropped as the GC trio continues to drill it. The Gall!

Gall sits eighth on GC going into today, but he’s over two minutes out of seventh.

Simon Yates is flying, starting to close on the leading trio and blowing by Pidcock! And now his brother Adam passes Pidcock! It’s a free-for-all!

Simon has caught Pinot and Barguil, and Adam isn’t far behind.

Now the four are together, less than 20 seconds from the leaders.

Ah, I just realized, Pidcock didn’t crack … he’s surely dropping back for his teammate, Rodriguez, to help him defend his fourth place on GC, now that Simon Yates is up the road and needs just 18 seconds.

Yep, there it is … Pidcock has dropped back and now paces Rodriguez. With them is Jai Hindley (Bora-Hansgrohe), who won a stage of this Tour, wore yellow for a day, and sits seventh on GC.

Pinot is totally dropped. Oh well. He gave it a good try.

With only 550 meters left in the climb, Pogacar isn’t going to be able to do anything. A stage win is probably all he could achieve at this point, though his chances of that are certainly good.

And that’s it, they’re over the final summit.

Now the question is, can the Yates brothers catch this trio, so Simon can fight it out for the stage win and Adam can help Pogacar? Their gap is just 15 seconds.

Oddly, the official summit isn’t really the top. There’s another ~500 meters at 8%, which isn’t exactly a bump in the road.

There’s a lot of dialogue going on between Vingegaard and Gall. I wonder what they’re saying? Vingegaard might be saying, “Look, pal, this stage win is a bigger deal for you … you need to pull,” and Gall might be replying, “Are you kidding? You know I can’t beat Tadej in a sprint. Help me out here … don’t be greedy.” Or maybe they’re arguing about who’s better, Billie Eilish or Taylor Swift. Or Nicki Minaj.

Now Pidcock blows up completely  … he did what he could for Rodriguez.

And the Yates brothers have caught the break. This may well move Simon up in the GC.

Oh, man, Rodriguez, despite a badly scraped-up face, is really heroing up, chasing back with all he’s got. He’s only 15 seconds behind and if he manages to catch, he’ll hang on to fourth overall. Oh, wait, he’s 15 seconds behind the Pinot/Barguil/Bilbao group. So he’s racing to keep Bilbao from knocking him out of fifth, essentially.

They’re into the last kilometer, and Adam Yates winds it up for Pogacar! He’s drilling it on the front, Pogacar tucked right in, should be a textbook leadout. But Vingegaard has thrown away the script and goes early! And he looks really good!

But Pogacar isn’t fazed! He comes around Yates and launches his own sprint, not even bothering to dive onto Vengegaard’s wheel!

Pogacar has got the win!

Here is the stage result. Check it out, Gall sneaked in for second.

Vingegaard chats with his wife. Note how responsible she is, masking up so she doesn’t give her husband COVID and cost him the race. Their child doesn’t need a mask because everybody knows small children cannot get, or spread, COVID. Now, I might be imagining this, but I could swear I heard Vingegaard’s wife say to him, “You look handsome.”

Here is the new GC, which—needless to say—isn’t likely to change tomorrow. Despite his crash, Gaudu climbs up a place, because Kuss lost so much time today.

Now they’re interviewing Pogacar.

INTERVIEWER: It must be satisfying to finally have a good moment after this horrible final week.

POGACAR: Yes, I finally feel like myself again.

INTERVIEWER: You keep touching your nose. And now you’ve just rubbed your nose on your shoulder. What’s going on there? Rogue boogers?

POGACAR: No, just a little non-allergic rhinitis. You have one more chance to ask a legitimate question or this interview is over.

INTERVIEWER: What was your best moment of this Tour?

POGACAR: The atmosphere on the team bus, that was just really great.

INTERVIEWER: And your worst moment?

POGACAR: When [I was dropped and] Marc Soler looked behind at me with his scary eyes ... that was the most terrifying moment.

It’s worth pointing out that most of the above interview is actually pretty faithful to what was said, for once. I only made up the nose bit because somebody had to explore the very real phenomenon of Pogacar constantly messing with his nose on camera.

Pogacar mounts the podium for his stage win.

And now Vingegaard gets another yellow jersey.

You know what’s crazy? It’s how much these two look like other celebrities. Check out the pop singer Aurora, who could be Pogacar’s sister:

And how do Vingegaard and Macaulay Culkin look so much alike?

I feel like the sport needs to capitalize on this somehow.

Pinot mounts the podium having won the Combitivity award for today.

The crowd chants, “PINOT! PINOT! PINOT!”

Oh dear, they’re showing Kuss and the poor guy is really banged up. He was so amazing in this Tour supporting Vingegaard (after having been so amazing supporting Roglic during the Giro) and he came into today in ninth overall … such a bummer of a day for him. He slips to 12th.

They’re interviewing Vingegaard.

INTERVIEWER: How was that today? Are you feeling happy to have this Tour all but won, or do you suffer from complicated emotional problems such that you somehow feel super bad about everything?

VINGEGAARD: I really appreciate the battle, it was [presumably] very nice to watch, it was very close. Today I felt good on the bike, it was another nice fight.

INTERVIEWER: Is this a team victory? And a family victory?

VINGEGAARD: Yes, my family was there every day for  me, they’ve done so well over the last three weeks.

INTERVIEWER: What, really, is the role of the family during the Tour? What does it mean for them to “do well”? It’s not like they were pacing you or giving you advice through your radio or something.

VINGEGAARD: Well, it consists mainly of not distracting me. Lots of riders get these late-night phone calls because the printer isn’t working, or the drip irrigation system has sprung a leak, or their kid won’t go to bed. Or their wives pick fights, they’ll be all like, “You just disappear for three weeks at a time, how do you think I feel?” So I didn’t have to put up with that, which I appreciate.

INTERVIEWER: What is your best memory of this Tour?

VINGEGAARD: The whole team, way we rode as a team, executed our plan every day, thanks to the team once again.

INTERVIEWER: That’s not exactly a single, specific memory. I was hoping for some kind of clear-cut snapshot, a perfect little set piece that would distill your overall experience into a single moment we can all easily picture.

VINGEGAARD: Okay, in that case, my favorite memory is about to be formed—it will be the moment you get that mic out of my face.

Well, that’s about it for this year. Watch these pages next month because I’ll probably cover the Vuelta a España…

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Biased Blow-By-Blow - 2020 Tour de France Stage 8

Introduction

When I file blow-by-blow reports of pro bike races, I take full advantage of my amateur, unfunded status: I don’t have to bite my tongue when it’s time to cry foul. The typical offense is obvious doping. Happily, things have settled down a bit, by which I mean Team Ineos has apparently screwed up its drug program. Maybe their supplier folded or something. Anyway, read on for my coverage of Stage 8 of the 2020 Tour de France, delayed-due-to-coronavirus edition.

Tour de France Stage 8 – Cazeres-sur-Garonne to Loudenvielle

As I begin, the peloton is heading toward the first and only intermediate sprint of the day, at the base of the first climb. I bother to cover this because—hang on, I’ll tell you in a second. Peter Sagan (Bora-Hansgroe) is starting to go for it but suddenly seems to just tire out or something. He sits down and Sam Bennett (Deceuninck-Quick-Step) takes the sprint!

What’s weird is that due to a breakaway today, only the top two in the peloton could score points here, and Sagan didn’t even take second. It’s like he couldn’t be bothered to sprint, which is so weird because yesterday his team basically did a team time trial at the front all day to try to saw off a bunch of inattentive sprinters, which worked out great. At least a dozen sprinters got dropped, including  the (then) points leader Bennett, and that’s how Sagan got his green jersey back.

Oddly, Sagan got the requisite points only via the intermediate sprints that the other sprinters weren’t around for. While the key objective of the plan was obviously for Sagan to get a stage win (with fewer riders to outsprint), at the finish line he was nowhere to be seen. Turns out his chain fell off. Bizarre. Stranger still, Julian Alaphilippe (Deceuninck-Quick-Step) was perfectly placed in the final sprint but suddenly lost steam, waving his arm angrily, and didn’t place. Turns out he’d pulled his foot out of the pedal. It was the most exciting “boring sprinters’ stage” ever.

So, as the race approaches the first big climb, the category 1 Col de Menté, there’s a giant breakaway of 13 riders who have 14 minutes on the peloton. That’s why there were so few intermediate sprint places on offer for the main field. I’m not sure who any of these guys are, but there are a couple things worth pointing out. Look:

First, we see that the leader has clown hair. Doesn’t his head get awfully hot? Not to mention he looks pretty ridiculous? Well, he’s fast, anyway. The other thing we notice is that the guy behind him is Black. That is quite rare in the pro peloton. You know what’s even rarer? For the announcers to mention it. Maybe racial matters just make them nervous, like they’re afraid if they say anything it could the wrong thing. I hope it’s not that the announcers “don’t see race.” That’s nonsense. Nobody “doesn’t see race.” Some people decline to acknowledge it, is all. As if it didn’t affect anybody. But I digress.

So the Black guy is Kévin Reza (B&B Hotels-Vital Concept). Here’s a nice close-up:

I don’t know much about him other than what Wikipedia says. It’s his third Tour, he’s done the Vuelta twice, and he rode the Giro once. It says he’s a sprinter, but it appears he climbs well too. (You won’t see a pure sprinter like Alexander Kristoff in a breakaway on a mountain stage.)

As the break approaches the summit of the Col de Menté, the leader in the KOM competition, Benoît Cosnefroy (AG2R-La Mondiale) attacks the group to get maximum points.

So, I don’t particularly care about this breakaway because it’s mainly nobodies from a GC perspective. The highest-placed rider in it is Ilnur Zakarin (CCC Team), who started the day in 89th place, almost 13 minutes down. The main effect this break will have is to make the peloton more sluggish. If the all-important stage time bonuses are snapped up by breakaway riders, the GC group has less incentive to mix it up and be aggressive. That means a strong team like Ineos or Jumbo-Visma will want to control things, to save their riders’ energy for the second two weeks of the Tour, so the main GC contenders might just roll over the line together, which would be boring. (Note: I refuse to say “keep their powder dry.” That cliché should be abolished.)

Romain Bardet (AG2R-La Mondiale) has some kind of problem and is off the back of the peloton. His teammates pace him back up. This group is nearing the summit of the Menté. They take on some food.

Okay, the peloton is over the top. Some douchebag spectator waves his arms wildly at the camera making peace sign, and he’s not wearing a mask. Oddly, masks are not required nationwide in France, so the race organizers can only request that fans wear them. As detailed here, a couple of the racers have expressed concern about this. After all, the fans are yelling their heads off, which greatly increases the chance of virus transmission. Imagine if just one racer caught Covid-19 from a spectator … these guys are riding inches from one another, and (obviously) breathing hard. Could end the Tour.

Speaking of which, there’s an interesting rule about the race this year: if the race has to be stopped due to Covid-19, whoever has the yellow jersey at that point will be declared the winner, so long as at least ten stages have been completed. This may make for more aggressive riding, because waiting until the third week to take the lead isn’t as bulletproof a strategy as in years past.

There are still 65 km to go. Man, I got up super early so I could see the riders tackle the Col de Menté and I’m not sure it was worth it.

Looks like Bardet’s issue was a crash. I hope he’s not badly hurt … I think he’s underrated and could be one of France’s best hopes for a great Tour.

The clown-haired guy, Jerome Cousin, has dropped the breakaway on the early slopes of the main climb of the day, the hors categorie Port de Balès, almost 12 km long averaging 7.7%. This guy has been on the front more than anybody else today. As for his hair, the announcer helpfully points out that the hair salons in France are all closed. Why doesn’t Cousin’s wife/other cut his hair? Who knows. Maybe she has a fetish for clown hair.

Wow, Cousin is really hauling ass! He’s got almost a minute on the rest of the breakaway. I wish I’d seen his attack, but I was, uh, detained. I’ve drunk a lot of coffee this morning and was making my own, uh, move.

Still, there are over 35 miles left to race, so this is still a fairly Quixotic move. Maybe Cousin felt like his breakaway companions were loafing, and is goading the strongest ones to bridge up.

My poor cat has been banished to the garage because she bothers my daughter’s sleep. But she’s crying piteously at the door and has been for like an hour. I’ve got to let her out. So things are about to get pretty dicey chez Albert.

So, here’s a quick recap of this Tour so far. On the GC front, Alaphilippe took the yellow jersey with an awesome move in an early stage, only to lose it the next day by getting an illegal feed, less than 20km from the finish. I can’t understand how a) he didn’t seem to know the rule, and b) his team mechanic, who passed up the bottle, also didn’t seem to know the rule. Since then, Adam Yates (Mitchelton-Scott) has led the race, having been in the breakaway the day Alaphilippe won. Team Jumbo-Visma has ridden really well, setting up their leader, Primoz Roglic, for a brilliant stage win in the first mountain stage.

Team Ineos hasn’t been nearly as dominant as in years past, and in fact their leader, Egan Bernal, hasn’t looked that good. He’s recovering from back trouble that saw him drop out of the Criterium du Dauphiné a couple weeks ago. Richard Carapaz, the Plan B rider for Team Ineos, missed the split yesterday and lost 1:21. Oddly, Ineos didn’t put Chris Froome or Geraint Thomas on this year’s Tour team, despite them both being past Tour winners. I guess team management wasn’t happy with their form. Or maybe they were just being dicks, because they are. But I certainly won’t miss Froome, that doping d’bag.

There’s an American in the breakaway, Neilson Powless (EF-Education First), who had a great ride the other day, taking fourth in a mountain stage. The announcers are interviewing EF Team Manager Jonathan Vaughters, who boldly predicts that Powless will win today. I’m not overly superstitious, but I can’t help but to think Vaughters is dooming his rider. What are the odds that somebody makes such a pronouncement and then it comes to pass, especially when the rider is still fairly inexperienced?

Reza is dropped. He’d been doing a lot of work … perhaps it was all for his teammate, Quintin Pacher. Pacher is now in a more select group of three, with Zakarin and Nans Peters (AG2R-La Mondiale). They’re now joined by Toms Skujins (Trek-Segrafredo).

Back in the peloton, Jumbo-Visma is still controlling the pace. They’ve got some help from Bora-Hansgroe, working for their GC leader, Emanuel Buchmann.

Wow! In the blink of an eye, Cousin detonates and gets passed by Zakarin, Peters, and Pacher, who have dropped Skujins and the rest of the breakaway.

Now Zakarin and Peters have dropped the others.

Whoah, this is weird. France’s best hope for a GC win, Thibaut Pinot (Groupama-FDJ), is having serious problems, going out the back of the peloton, and his team is rallying around him!

Oh, no. His teammates are patting him on the back as if to comfort him. That can’t be a good sign. And now he is struggling even keep up with them. He’s clearly dying. This is hard to watch.

Ah, they’re showing a replay of him trying to deal with some back pain.

Jumbo-Visma is really controlling the GC group’s pace, and they seem to have most of their guys.

One of their super-domestiques, Robert Gesink, drills it at the front, flanked by Wout van Aert, who has won two (flat) stages in this Tour.

Up the road, Zakarin and Peters are still in the lead, with 36 seconds back to the chasers as they crest the Port de Balès. They’ve got a pretty long descent coming up though … that won’t be easy for them against a slightly larger group behind them.

Powless has been yo-yoing off the back of this chase group and makes contact just as they reach the summit.

Peters totally drops Zakarin on the descent. Zakarin looks really tentative. Look how he hangs his knee out … that’s bad enough in a curve, but he’s doing it well in advance of the next one.

Wow, Pinot is just done. You can tell. His group has lost almost five minutes already. Best case scenario now is that he stays in the race, starts to feel better in the next week or so, and can go for a stage win or two.

The American star Sepp Kuss (Jumbo-Visma) has been dropped. Van Aert takes up the pacemaking. Maybe Kuss is fried from all the work he did for his team yesterday, on flat roads in the wind … not exactly his forte.

The GC group is starting to pull back the breakaway, now about ten minutes back. They’re probably not too bummed about missing the chance for a stage win and/or time bonuses but they don’t want to leave it for too long.

Peters is tackling the final climb solo, having totally dusted Zakarin on the descent.

Zakarin doesn’t look so good on the climb, either, and continues to lose time to Peters. He’s now 33 seconds behind.

Maybe I spoke too soon. Peters is suffering pretty badly himself and the gap starts to come down. Needless to say, if Zakarin wants the stage win he’ll have to completely drop Peters on this climb, because Zakarin can’t descend for shit.

And now van Aert totally detonates! He’s spat out the back with a quickness. No shame there, though … he’s done a kickass job today. And all week.

Zakarin now has Peters in sight. But the gap isn’t coming down very quickly and we’ll have to see how Peters holds up.

Look at these fans. Clearly they need a tutorial on proper mask fitting. Maybe they pulled the masks down to better cheer the riders on, screaming their heads off four feet from the athletes’ faces? Fricking clowns.

Back in the GC group, Alaphilippe attacks!

This stretches things out a bit and Alejandro Valverde (Movistar Team), the oldest rider in the race, is dropped.

Wow, Alaphilippe suddenly completely detonates and he’s OTB!

Tadej Pogacar (UAE Team Emirates)attacks!

Pogacar is a major GC threat, despite missing a split yesterday and losing 1:21. None of the GC favorites will want to see him go. Nairo Quintana (Arkea-Samsic) bridges right up! 

And Yates and Dumoulin are both dropped! Only Roglic can stay with Quintana and Pogacar! And Pogacar goes again!

Yates catches back on, and Dumoulin tries to claw his way back as well.

The GC group is on the verge of completely detonating. Look at all these little gaps. Bernal, in the white Young Rider jersey, hasn’t done much today except to hang on.

Pogacar has a pretty good gap! 

Up at the front, Peters is now growing his gap over Zakarin and near the summit has an awesome chance at taking the stage.

Carapaz is doing a great job for Bernal. It’s a pity Carapaz lost that time yesterday. I’d love to see a rivalry form, not because I enjoy insubordination per se, but because I (obviously) hate Ineos. Speaking of whom, they’re calling themselves the “Ineos Grenadiers” for this Tour, which is ridiculous. This team hasn’t lobbed a grenade all season, nor in last year’s Tour. Their typical tactic is gradual strangulation.

Pogacar has a pretty nice gap. He’s being chased by Richie Porte [Trek-Segafredo] and Mikel Landa (Bahrain-McLaren) who also lost time yesterday … all three need to make it up wherever they can.

Cripes, the crowds are as thick as ever, despite the race not allowing any motor vehicles up here. These guys all hiked for hours to get here.

Yates is dropped again! He only has three seconds on Roglic in the GC, so he could easily lose the jersey today. Enric Mas (Movistar Team) falls off as well. Mas is Movistar’s highest-placed rider, starting the day in 13th, only 22 seconds back.

And now Quintana attacks! Only Roglic can match him!

Roglic puts the hammer down on the descent! Surely he wants to take advantage of Yates being on the back foot.

Peters pretty much has this. Over the final climb and heading toward the finish, he leads Zakarin by almost a minute.

A mile later, Peters has got the win!

A bit later, Skujins outsprints Carlos Verona (Movistar Team) for second place. Evidently the two passed Zakarin, who must have completely blown up.

Ah, here’s Zakarin. I’ll bet he’s really regretting what a grandma he is on the descents. He surely wasted a ton of energy making up for it, and eventually blew.

Powless gets fifth on the day. Not bad for a rider who was jinxed by a general manager who needs to learn how to talk less.

Pogacar continues to drive, and now has 39 seconds on the GC group.

Back in the peloton, Yates has caught back up and the group is more together … and Bardet attacks!

Bardet is getting a pretty good gap!

Up the road, Pogacar finishes strong, taking back 39 or 40 seconds on the rest of the GC guys.

Alas, by the time they roll in, Bardet is all but caught. Look at Yates, leading the chase like a boss. Pretty impressive after he’d been dropped twice earlier. Note also Bernal just tucked in there, like always. I’m not that fond of Bernal. He never does anything aggressive or interesting … he’s just waiting for people to get tired. I don’t think he’s had his face in the wind a single-dingle time in this Tour.

Here’s the top ten for the stage.

They’re interviewing Peters. “Tell us about your win,” the interviewer begins. “Well, it’s my first Tour de France, and I’d had this dream of doing something special,” Peters replies. “It was kind of a weird dream. I was on my way to a job interview, wearing a nice suit and everything, and I was in an elevator, and I looked down and realized I was barefoot. Oh, wait. Wrong dream. Anyway.” To which the interviewer responds, “Okay, so you’re a dreamer. Is that why you forgot to put on a Covid mask for this interview?” Peters: “Oh, shit!”

And now Alaphilippe finally finishes, having lost about 13 minutes to the GC group.

Peters mounts the podium. He’s managed to find a mask and looks a bit chastened.

Now, finally, Pinot miserably rolls over the line with his team, almost 20 minutes behind the GC group. I hope he can recover in time to salvage some glory in the remaining two weeks of this Tour.

Peters also gets the combativity (most aggressive rider) award today. Note that podium girls are no longer a thing. Instead there’s always one man and one woman. The man often looks like a complete imbecile because there are things you can do with a dress that you cannot reasonably do with a suit, like being bright red. I’ll bet when this guy gets to Paris, and the whole race is over and he’s back at his hotel room, he’ll just take this suit off and stuff it in the trash.

Yates is being interviewed. “You got dropped there, what happened?” the interviewer asks. “Well,” Yates replies, “Dumoulin did a monster pull and I couldn’t hang, so I had to drop back and do my own pace for a while. I could have become demoralized but then I said to myself, hey man, it’s time to put the pussy on the chain wax!”

(Note: unless a rider actually says something interesting in an interview, I supply my own narrative. Clearly I’ve taken some liberties today. But Yates really did acknowledge Dumoulin’s hard work at the front.)

Dumoulin’s other teammates eventually faltered today, particularly Kuss, so Dumoulin had to take up the domestique work himself on the last climb, showing great loyalty to Roglic. This is notable because at various times Dumoulin, and others, have implied that he’s a co-leader of Jumbo-Visma. Today settled that … Dumoulin ended up sacrificing himself and losing a lot of time on GC such that he’s likely no longer a contender for the podium.

Here’s the new top-ten on GC. Bardet moved up a few spots (gleaning two seconds today), and Pogacar climbed a bit.

Main takeaways from today? Ineos remains fairly unimpressive; Jumbo-Visma is still pretty solid; Yates did an awesome job keeping his cool and defending his jersey; Quintana looks solid; Pinot is out; Alaphilippe will officially be looking only for stage wins; and a lot of these spectators are making me really nervous.

Tune in again a week from tomorrow when I return to cover Stage 15, which finishes atop the hors categorie Grand Colombier!

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