Introduction
Remember that annoying character, Cousin Oliver, who showed up in a few episodes of “The Brady Bunch?” Well, the Vuelta a España is kind of the Cousin Oliver of the Grand Tours. It’s late in the season, the weather isn’t typically as dramatic as that of the Giro d’Italia, and most of all it simply isn’t the Tour de France. So it gets no respect. But honestly, it’s usually a lot better show than the Tour, especially when a rider whose Tour hopes got scuppered can have one final shot at redeeming his season. I was hoping that’d be the case for Jonas Vingegaard (Team Visma - Lease a Bike) this year, after he crashed out of the Tour, but he isn’t here. Instead, Tadej Pogacar decided to show up and make the race boring as fuck. So I almost wasn’t even going to follow this Vuelta. But here I am … can you guess why? Read on!
Vuelta a España Stage 9 – La Vila Joiosa to Alto de Aitana
As I join the action, the riders have 79 kilometers (49 miles) left to race and a breakaway has almost five minutes on the red jersey group. The course profile you see above really threw me because it’s in miles, for crying out loud. Notwithstanding the superiority of the Imperial system of measure, this scale is annoying because looking at the footage, which gives the remaining distance in kilometers, it’s hard to figure out where the riders are. Before my coffee kicked in, and I realized the scale was miles, I was totally confused, to the point of mental collapse, and thought about going back to bed. But of course I didn’t because—and this is the most important thing to know about this year’s Vuelta—Tadej Pogacar (UAE Team Emirates XRG) is out of the race.
It’s sad, and strange, but Pogacar, who led the GC battle from day one after winning the very short opening time trial, crashed on a flat, straight road yesterday, apparently after he or someone near him ran over an object in the road. Pogacar went right over the bars and suffered a broken collarbone, a broken vertebra, and a concussion. Of course that is a terrible shame. At the same time, life goes on: insofar as we haven’t resolved to wear black for a year, not go out in public, and not watch any more of the Vuelta, it must be said the race just got way more exciting. Instead of a foregone conclusion, the race is blown wide open.
The riders are crossing the valley floor before starting the third-to-last climb, the Category 2 Puerto de Tudons. Movistar Team leads the peloton, working to bring back this breakaway because their leader, Enric Mas, also leads the Vuelta.
Is Mas Grand Tour winner material? I’m a bit skeptical, as he’s not usually a rider who takes a lot of initiative … he just follows wheels, rides consistently, and hopes for the best. That said, a couple stages ago Pogacar was soloing and Mas actually bridged up to him. It gave Pogacar a bit of a shock, because Mas seemed to come out of nowhere and blew right by him at the very summit of the final climb. Pogi seemed to have forgotten that he doesn’t always get to solo just because he tried. I was reminded of Mike Tyson’s bewildered reaction when Evander Holyfield became the first opponent to actually fight back, instead of immediately folding up. My analogy only goes so far, of course, because Pogacar didn’t bite Mas’s ear, and probably wasn’t even tempted. Pogacar wasn’t overmuch threatened by Mas’s insubordination, as the “attack so they’ll give up” tactic had worked just fine in Stage 4, the first real mountain stage of the race, when the Slovenian soloed from 50 kilometers out and took almost three minutes, easily enough to secure the overall GC barring some catastrophe (which as you now know did happen).
It’s a really big breakaway. Their lead is down to 4:32 … should I give you all the names? What a hassle. I’ll give you a few. We’ve got Gianni Vermeersch (Red Bull - Bora - Hansgrohe), Kevin Vermaerke (UAE Team Emirates XRG), Stefan Kung (Tudor Pro Cycling Team), Alexey Lutsenko (NSN Cycling Team), Santiago Buitrago (Bahrain Victorious), and Pavel Sivakov (UAE Team Emirates XRG). It’s at least twenty riders total and in the time it took to type that, the lead came down nine seconds. Who knows, maybe a subset of this group will stay away … hopefully not the guys I didn’t name. Anyhow, they’ve got 2.8 kilometers left on this climb.
I took a gamble and slept in a bit late today, figuring that without Pogacar, the race would be slower. This has worked out well … they are way behind schedule to finish at the earliest predicted time.
It’s hotter than balls out there according to Christian Vande Velde, one of the Peacock announcers. Yes, of course I’m paraphrasing. Wouldn’t it be great if these guys talked like that, though? Apparently there was a pretty funny exchange during an early stage, when a freak hailstorm ended the stage and drove all the riders to seek shelter in a roadside hotel. As a friend recounted to me, Bob Roll said something like, “I’m not sure the stage should have ended, I think I’ve raced in worse conditions,” and Vande Velde replied, “You’re an idiot.” Don’t get me wrong, I like Bob okay, but honestly, that rebuke was long overdue.
So how hot is “hotter than balls”? It’s 34 degrees Kelvin. I know that’s not very helpful, especially when it’s obviously not Kelvin, that would be almost 400 below zero. Just making sure you’re awake. It’s 34 Celsius, which is 93 degrees Fahrenheit. Why do all these benighted countries persist with this inferior metric system?
With 1.7 kilometers left in the climb, the gap is down to 4:02. It’s not just Movistar working to close the gap, as several teams now have a good shot at helping their leader win this Vuelta. The favorite now would have to be Primoz Roglic (Red Bull - Bora - Hansgrohe), who has won this race four times, including two years ago. He’s in second overall and trails Mas by just one minute. Felix Gall (Decathlon CMA CGM Team) sits third, a mere 11 seconds behind Roglic, and in fourth is Sepp Kuss (Team Visma - Lease a Bike), 1:04 off the virtual podium and 2:15 behind Mas. Rounding out the top five is the current Best Young Rider of this Vuelta, the one and only Oscar Onley (Netcompany Ineos Cycling Team), a mere second behind Kuss.
Interestingly, with 54 kilometers to go, the gap is increasing again as riders tackle the penultimate descent. It’s back to almost five minutes. But we’re going to see three or four teams shredding the last climb, it’s gonna be awesome. So why does my cat look so bored? She’s barely paying attention!
Who are the other favorites for this Vuelta now? On paper, I’d expect the big battle to come down to Roglic vs. Kuss, since they’ve both proven they can win this. (In case you’ve been hiding under a rock for the last several years, Kuss has won the Vuelta before, in 2023, despite severe opposition from his own teammates.) Granted, Mas has been second overall three times, but there’s a big difference between first and second. Gall has only managed eighth overall. And neither of them has had to deal with the extreme pressure of seizing and defending a Grand Tour lead.
Alessandro Romele (XDS - Astana) attacks, weirdly enough, and takes the descent solo. I guess if he’s got mad descending skills he might as well; if the break fractures behind him he may have fewer competitors to contend with. Wow, he’s really good and has established a non-trivial 49-second lead. And it’s not like the break isn’t trying … their lead on the peloton has ballooned up to 5:46!
I don’t know how these short climbs get labeled Category 2. It seems like this one only just started and now there’s only 3.7 kilometers left.
Marcel Camprubi (Pinarello - Q36.5 Pro Cycling Team) is chasing down Romele as they approach the summit. He quickly cuts the gap in half. He’s really thrashing the bike but hauling ass, so.
Getting back to the GC favorites, which team is the strongest? Oddly, Visma - Lease a Bike evidently decided that without their usual leader, Vingegaard, they’d just hunt stage wins, which is working out great with their crazy-fast young sprinter, Matthew Brennan, who’s won two stages. Doesn’t bode well for supporting Kuss, though. Movistar was always in this for the GC, bringing two leaders, one of whom, Cian Uijtdebroeks, flamed out in dramatic fashion, dropping out after finishing dead last on Stage 4 due to a hairline fracture on his ankle. Our hearts went out to Uijtdebroeks, as he’d raced the entire stage with this injury, until we found out he incurred it kicking a dog. Then we all despised him, until we learned that the dog was completely racist and deserved to be kicked. Only upon further reflection—can a dog be racist?—did we become truly ambivalent, especially given the karmic notion that that dog’s being kicked was likely something that unfolded through natural moral causation or cosmic law, not entirely due to Uijtdebroeks’s will. We’ve ultimately decided that the case is too murky to justify a strong opinion, and we’ve gone back and deleted all the extreme comments we’d scattered across cycling websites.
Getting back to the team analysis, Decathlon has brought a very strong team here with the specific aim of supporting Gall in the overall. So the team dynamic could blah blah blah I wish something exciting would happen in this stage.
Holy crap, the lead is out to almost six minutes. What are these teams doing? I guess they still have time, with two big climbs to go.
Sivakov has caught Camprubi. They trail Romele by 33 seconds.
In the peloton, both Decathlon and Movistar are now working.
This is interesting. Romele decided his brake lever was dirty and spent so long washing it off, the two chasers all but closed the gap.
I’ll bet their levers are filthy. The question is, will that matter in the finale? We shall see.
It’s another endless commercial break so I’ve bounced over to Claude to see if I can get an answer to a pressing question: how is Kuss’s form right now? Naw, I’m just messing with you … I know the more pressing question is, did Kuss get that tooth fixed? If you’ve been following albertnet you’ll have read about how the American seemed to have Stage 20 in the bag, but then crashed—twice!—on the final descent. He did win the Combativity award, and I was shocked at the state of his teeth as he stood grinning on the podium (a good sport, always!). Kind of hard to look at, honestly. So I really hope he got that fixed now that he’s leading his team in this Vuelta with a serious shot at victory. But Claude can’t turn anything up about the tooth. There’s been no dental report in any cycling journal.
Now, if you’re pedantic enough to care whether Kuss and Roglic are riding well lately, I guess I can speculate. Roglic was hit by a car in training in late July, after which he said it was a struggle even to put on his socks. I’d say he’s riding great, considering. As for Kuss, he raced both the Giro and the Tour so he’s got to be pretty fried. Time, and miles, will tell.
As the riders near the base of the final climb, Decathlon is still up there and Movistar masses for Mas at the front.
More ads, including one for maple-flavored waffles at Chick-Fil-A. I’ll be right back, I have to go throw up.
Okay, I’m back, and the breakaway has reached the final climb. The gap is down to 4:25 on the leading trio, who now have 1:36 on what’s left of the original breakaway. Did I say trio? Looks like Romele detonated at some point and is nowhere to be seen. Oh well ... at least his lever is clean.
As the peloton hits the climb, Decathlon keeps drilling it at the front. How long can they keep this up? It’s a long fricking climb, like 12 miles. My mouth is watering.
The gap is down to 3:48. There’s a chase group of four 1:23 behind the leading duo … or is this really just what’s left of that giant breakaway? Behind them by 11 seconds is Lutsenko. I guess the group did detonate.
Wow, the peloton is depleted too. It’s gotta be fewer than 25 guys and there’s a lot of climbing still to come. The gap has now fallen below three minutes. If a GC favorite launches an attack, that margin could tumble pretty fast. Wait, did I just say “if”? I did. We could see a boring détente here. Mas and Gall just aren’t that attack-y, and Roglic and Kuss (per my earlier analysis) may not feel up to ripping everyone’s legs off, including their own.
For the team supposedly defending their leader’s red jersey, Movistar isn’t doing much now. They haven’t been on the front in at least a dozen miles. In fact, they haven’t even been ahead of Mas. And now one of them blows!
Up ahead, Sivakov attacks and gets a good gap pretty quickly. Camprubi looks to really be suffering, sawing away at his bike, out of the saddle.
Oh yeah, thirty seconds later Camprubi is toast.
Back in the GC group, Mas sits up to fiddle with his water bottle. Look, Mas, no hands!
Mas looks okay but man, his team is getting shelled. Look at this poor bastard being dropped. I wish you could see how bad his form looks, he’s dying.
With five miles to go, the gap is down to 1:45 and Sivakov looks like he’s really hurting.
Ooh, Kuss is dangling just off the back of the GC group.
And now Gall makes his move! Mas seems to handle it pretty easily but the group completely shatters.
Oh man, the gap to the break is plummeting as the grade gets steeper. Sivakov’s shoulders are rocking. It’s only 1:06 now … I can’t see him staying off.
Gall goes again! My god, the effrontery of this man! (You didn’t think I was gonna say gall, did you…?)
Sivakov is practically underwater.
The GC group is down to only Onley, Roglic, Mas, Gall, and Richard Carapaz (EF Education - Easypost). Kuss is way off the back. These guys are passing the remains of the break like in one of those car race video games.
Carapaz attacks! He looks great!
Wow, a big gap yawns way out. Carapaz could well win this stage. And what of his GC hopes? He started today in sixth overall, 2:22 behind Mas. He has to be considered a favorite, especially now. He won the 2019 Giro, you know.
Carapaz overhauls Buitrago.
Wow, Gall has attacked again and suddenly Carapaz and Sivakov are both neutralized!
Gall just keeps drilling it. He’s relentless. Mas just waits, watches, matches, no sense of any initiative but he’s just … competent. For now.
Golly, Gall attacks again, and this time he’s kind of caught Mas napping! Still, it comes right back together. These repeated attacks have got to be costing Gall, though.
Mattias Skelmose had been dangling off the back of this lead group but suddenly catches up and rolls right on by.
And just like that, there’s a huge gap. Skelmose is with Harold Tejada (XDS Astana Team) and one other dude but never mind, I think it’s—whoa, Mas attacks!
Only Onley can respond!
They blow right by Skelmose! He no longer exists!
Wow, Mas looks really strong, he’s just drilling it. And now Onley takes a turn at the front and the group is just scattered. Only Roglic can hang on ... for now.
Behind, Gall has faded and then Roglic. The two drag along for a bit and others catch up.
Now Roglic has dropped everyone else and has 15 seconds to … no, the screen is wrong. He’s already bridged up!
Mas punches it again and Roglic is dumped instantly. Onley looks good, though.
The peloton has been blown to bits, it’s every man for himself. With 1.2 kilometers to go, it doesn’t look like Roglic can make it back. Cripes, Mas is just drilling it on the front. But Roglic is tenacious, he just keeps clawing away.
They head for the line and Mas leads it out like a boss! He’s crushing it! Onley is clearly in agony!
And Mas has got the win! Brilliant!
Roglic comes in for third and he’s so tired, he can’t even keep his tongue in his mouth.
It seemed like a great move from Carapaz but I reckon he either went too early, or brought the wrong legs today. He comes over in ninth.
So Onley only loses four seconds (due to the time bonus) today, a great ride for him even if Mas was the star of the day. If only Onley can keep this gap down, he might overtake Mas in the GC in the second half of this Vuelta.
Here’s the stage result.
It’s funny: after all the work Gall’s team did to set him up, and all the little mincing attacks he mounted, he ends up losing 18 seconds to Mas, plus another 10 from the time bonus. So he’s not nearly as impressive as his namesake, the tree gall, which is a bizarre phenomenon whereby a gall wasp lays an egg inside the tree’s tissues, and when the larva hatches it releases all these plant hormones and other compounds that cause this kind of weird blister to form on the tree, and this blister becomes like a nursery for the larva which, safely ensconced, feeds on the gall tissue as it grows. Compared to all that, Mas’s futile attacks and fourth place finish don’t seem very impressive. Gall must find Mas’s dominance, and this coverage of it, pretty galling.
And here’s the new GC. Quite a shakeup and Kuss drops to seventh.
They’re interviewing Mas.
INTERVIEWER: [unintelligible]
MAS: You’ve seen the team today, everyone working together so well, thanks very much also to the directors in the car as well.
INTERVIEWER: Why do you winners always do this? During the race you demonstrate individual dominance, crushing out your rivals like a cigarette, and then afterward you get all faux-humble and blather on about your team. It’s totally unconvincing.
MAS: The team was great, everyone was so calm.
INTERVIEWER: Dude. They were off the back. What are you talking about, calm? They were nowhere! When you needed them they straight-up evaporated! They were probably shitting bricks back there, at least they better have been!
MAS: I feel as though going forward I will be very calm, I had great sensations in the legs today.
INTERVIEWER: Is “calm” some kind of code word for “my team sucks and I’m the man!”?
MAS: You do not seem very calm. Do you need a minute to collect yourself?
Note: if you’re new to albertnet, you should know that I don’t speak any Spanish so when I’m translating these interviews, I take inspiration from AI and just blatantly make shit up. Rest assured, though, the fiction above is far closer to the truth than anything Mas actually said. If that makes any sense.
Bob Roll says, “It feels like a thousand light-years since Roglic won a Grand Tour.” This is the second time in this Vuelta he’s mistaken “light-years,” a measure of distance, for a measure of time. Also, a thousand light-years is the very height of exaggeration; that would be 5.879 quadrillion miles, whereas Roglic won the Vuelta as recently as two years ago.
Onley only had a lead of three seconds in the Young Rider classification as recently as Stage 6, but now that’s up to 5:45, a probably insurmountable margin. Am I deliberately contriving sentences to juxtapose “only” with “Onley”? You bet your sweet ass I am. And if only Onley only had a handful of seconds over second as before, the white jersey competition would be a lot more exciting. But let’s not diminish this achievement, as Onley only owns one such distinction so far in this Vuelta.
Christian and Bob are comparing the times of riders on this climb vs. the last time the Vuelta was here. “These riders went four minutes faster, almost five, that’s light-years,” Christian says, and then—as if catching himself—goes on to say, “that’s kilometers ahead.” So he course-corrected with regard to distance vs. time, although a kilometer is only 1.057 × 10⁻¹³ (i.e., 0.0000000000001057) light-years so this is still a gross exaggeration.
Well, nothing interesting is going on with the awards ceremony because there are no podium girls anywhere and no champagne either. It’s the most stripped-down podium presentation I’ve ever seen, they aren’t even giving out merchandise prizes like wheels of cheese, wooden bowls, or salad dressing like in other stage races. I was about ready to wrap this coverage up when I realized I should whet your appetite a bit for the rest of this Vuelta. It’s far from decided, because Roglic trails the GC by only 1:18, with a significant 32-kilometer mostly flat time trial coming in Stage 18. Roglic is a far better time trialist than Mas, Onley, and Gall, and seems to be riding into form in this Vuelta. We can expect a shakeup, and then I’ll be back to report on the queen stage, that being Stage 20, on September 12. BE THERE! (Well, here.)
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