Biased Blow-By-Blow - 2024 Vuelta a España Stage 15

Introduction

The best Grand Tour is upon us. No, the Vuelta a España hasn’t surpassed the Giro d’Italia or Tour de France in prestige, but with the super-lubed Tadej Pocagar being insultingly dominant in those two, making chumps out of the rest of the peloton and all the fans, this year’s Vuelta has been the better show. Just 1:21 separates race leader Ben O’Connor (Decathlon AG2R La Mondiale Team) and Primoz Roglic (Red Bull – Bora - Hansgrohe) in the general classification heading into today. Read on for my blow-by-blow of the live action of what is probably the hardest stage yet this year.

Look at that final climb … it’s a beast. The profile lacks any scale, but it’s rare for the Vuelta to call a climb “ESP” (probably for “Especiale,” their equivalent of Hors Categorie, which means “beyond the ability to categorize because this one doesn’t go up to 11”).

Why do I call this a “biased” report? Well, look at what I wrote about Pogacar. You won’t get that kind of candid reporting—okay, speculation—from professional journalists.

Vuelta a Espana Stage 15 – Infiesto to Cuitu Negru

As I join the action, they’re interviewing Richard Carapaz (EF Education Easy-Post). I like Carapaz, but it’s a pretty boring interview. He predicts that today could be the day Roglic (a three-time winner of the Vuelta and the odds-on favorite) passes up O’Connor on GC. OMG, an oracle! Way to go out on a limb. Sheesh.

So, I’ve been watching for about 30 kilometers so far and not all that much has happened. A breakaway has formed, split, reformed, lathered, rinsed, and repeated. After all that, they only have something like a minute and a half.

Riley Sheehan (Israel – Premier Tech) is dropped from the breakaway.

Why do I report on this guy, of all riders? Well, for one thing he’s a baller, having played a pretty big role getting his teammate Michael Woods into a breakaway to set him up to win a major mountain stage a few days ago. Second, and more importantly, I used to race with Riley’s dad, Clark. And finally: ‘Mer’ca!

For some reason, T-Rex – Quick-Step is driving the pace on the front of the peloton. I guess they’re setting up their leader, Mikel Landa, who sits fifth in the general classification. It’s so cute that they put their faith in him, despite his tendency to fail to deliver. His career showed early promise but that was so long ago, I can’t even remember the year.

Stephen Kung (Groupama-FDJ) is dropped from the break. He’s way too big for the high mountains, though somebody should mention this size-does-matter thing to Wout Van Aert (Visma – Lease A Bike) who has won three stages through his sprinting, wears the green points jersey, and yet also somehow has the lead in the KOM competition.

Well, even though I’m paying actual money for my Peacock Premium “TV” channel (I mean, what do we call this over-the-top cable-cutting-whatever video service that has replaced TV?), they have the audacity to show commercials. While they’re doing that, here’s what you’ve missed if you’ve ignored the Vuelta so far. O’Connor achieved a massive solo victory in Stage 4, taking an unbelievable 6:31 out of race favorite Roglic. The fact that Roglic’s team let this guy have that much leash is simply unfathomable … disrespectful, even. O’Connor was fourth in the 2021 Tour de France and also fourth in this year’s Giro d’Italia. How could they discount his GC potential? My best theory is that the race organizers paid Roglic a special bonus to lose a bunch of time early in the Vuelta, to make the race more exciting. (Race organizers should do that with Pogacar … maybe give him some handicap like having to race barefoot.)

So anyhow, since that stage, Roglic has been ascendant, winning a stage and taking time out of O’Connor on several others. It’s been kind of painful to watch, like death by a thousand cuts. The interviews with O’Connor have been interesting, because he’s been resolutely cheerful and philosophical, never showing frustration. I think this is because he knows he came off as a bit of a drama queen in the Netflix documentary “Tour Unchained,” and wants to make amends. Also worth noting: O’Connor looks a bit like Waldo (as in Where’s Waldo).

Rounding out the top five, we have Enric Mas (Movistar Team) in third place 1:40 behind Roglic; Carapaz 12 seconds behind Mas; and Landa another 7 seconds back in fifth.

The breakaway now has about three minutes, so I guess I’ll give you some of the guys’ names. I kind of hesitate to do this because of all the typing required, since the team names are so long these days, now that we have gobs of small sponsors instead of one big one. If I were writing about the racing in Merckx’s day, I’d be typing simply “Bic” instead of “Decathlon AG2R La Mondiale Team.” It’s funny, the sponsorship changes so much, even the racers can’t keep up. In interviews riders keep referring to Team Visma – Lease A Bike as “Jumbo,” because it’s easy to say, even though Jumbo no longer sponsors the team. Oddly, though Jumbo is easy to say, every rider has said it wrong: they pronounce the J as the letter in Jell-O, whereas it’s actually pronounced like a Y, i.e., “Yumbo.” No wonder that sponsor pulled out.

Okay, where was I? Oh, right, the breakaway. It’s got Jay Vine (UAE Team Emirates), Pavel Sivakov (UAE Team Emirates), Aleksandr Vlasov (Red Bull-Bora-Hansgrohe), Pablo Castrillo (Kern Pharma), Quentin Pacher (Groupama-FDJ), Bruno Armirail (Decathlon AG2R La Mondiale), and Kung, who has managed to claw his way back. And in the time it took me to type all that, this group lost 17 seconds. They’re probably doomed. What a waste.

There are 44 kilometers left, most of them uphill once this final descent is over. I need to show you a better course profile, that first one was a joke. Here:

This climb is a beast. It gains like 6,000 feet! It averages 7.4%, and some pitches are well into double digits including the final three kilometers. A 2:45 gap could be closed just like that (imagine me snapping my fingers). On the plus side for this breakaway’s efforts, Vine is now tied with Van Aert for the KOM competition. So he’ll likely get to wear that jersey tomorrow.

Damn, this road is crazy steep!

It’s 24% right here, a fricking wall. And as steep as it looks, the camera really makes these climbs look flatter. (In this case there are two cameras: the movie camera actually “filming” the riders though I’m sure there’s no film, and my smartphone camera since Peacock is blocking screen grabs, the bastards.)

Wow, it really looked like O’Connor was peeing just now, but the camera discreetly turned away. Gosh, right at the base of the climb … that’s actually kind of the most exciting thing that’s happened all day.

The more T-Rex – Quick-Step hammers at the front for Landa, the more I worry about him. I don’t think he can handle the pressure. I’ve seen this before … whenever they sacrifice for him, he folds up like a house of cards. Maybe today will be his breakthrough. (Yeah … maybe.)

Okay, this is touching: look at the EF rider (in pink), with the bottle dangling from his teeth, pushing along his teammate who is either peeing or adjusting his junk.

And now, what’s this? Roglic is getting a new bike! Did he have a mechanical? He had one yesterday and had to do the last 10 or 20 kilometers on his teammate’s bike.

His teammates pace him back up. The commentators are saying it looks like Roglic switched from an aerodynamic bike to a lighter-weight pure climbing bike. If so, that’s pretty rich.

What’s next? Will riders start changing into a lighter weight jersey for the final climb? Maybe swap out for a helmet with more vents? A fresh pair of sunglasses that aren’t grubby yet? This sport has changed a lot since the earlier years when riders didn’t get any support at all and we're in fact prohibited from accepting it. In fact, in the 1913 Tour de France, a rider named Eugène Christophe was given a three-minute penalty because when he was welding his broken fork back together, the blacksmith’s son worked the bellows. (The fork on Christophe’s bike, I hasten to add. Nobody rides with silverware, that I’m aware of.)

Groupama-FDJ has two guys in the breakaway, but honestly, given the brutality of this climb I can’t see tactics making a very big difference here.

Roglic’s teammate Daniel Martinez goes out the back. If he spent a lot of energy getting Roglic back to the GC group after the bike change, and is now too knackered to pace his leader anymore, I’ll bet he’s pissed. The commentators are saying Roglic’s new bike has a one-by (aka 1x) setup, meaning only one chainring up front and a giant cassette in back, like mountain bikes have. I can’t imagine why Roglic would make special arrangements to get this because the same setup almost cost him victory on the last day of the Giro d’Italia last year, when he hit a bump and his chain fell off. So there’s something to be said for front derailleurs. Damn, are you bored yet? I’m reminded of something my wife once said to me: “Don’t ever talk about bike gearing to me again.”

The breakaway is coming apart as Vine drills it on the front, which he’s been doing pretty much the whole climb. Kung is dropped. I feel a little bad because I’ve been spelling Kung’s name wrong. The “u” is supposed to have an umlaut over it, but I’m just too lazy to bother finding that character. This laziness, along with a complete lack of talent, is why I never made it into the pro ranks of cycling.

The break still has three minutes, but given the considerable size of the GC group, it’s clear they haven’t really put the hammer down yet. It’s still 14.5 kilometers to go, and probably no rider wants to launch too early given how steep the final kilometers are. Hmmm. Actually, O’Connor only has one teammate left, so maybe they’re going harder than I thought.

The commentators keep talking about how O’Connor is like “a big diesel.” They’ve been saying this all week. It’s so funny—I mean, the guy is totally wispy, nothing about him suggesting a long-haul semi tractor-trailer. Yes, his legs are a bit longer than Roglic’s, and the cylinders of a diesel engine do tend to be on the longer side, but is this really such a great metaphor? Diesels have more hauling power, true, but how much cargo is O’Connor actually dealing with here? I just looked up his weight and that Google A.I.-generated summary feature says 187 pounds. Yeah, right. Investigating further I see they’re talking about some hockey player with the same name. Okay, the cyclist is about 148 pounds, so four pounds heavier than Roglic. Enough with the diesel thing.

The leading trio still looks good, but the lead is down to 2:26. I think Vlasov got himself in the break mainly so he could drop back and help Roglic with the attack that is sure to come. In fact, if Roglic is going fast enough, Vlasov may not even need to drop back … he’ll just be waiting for his leader to catch up, so he can provide a nice tow for as long as possible before totally detonating.

Man, Castrillo is totally dying. His head is swinging around like crazy. Could he be … dancing? Is there upbeat house music coming through his earphone? Or is it music in his head? Or have his neck muscles all but given out?

And now Landa attacks the GC group!

It’s not such a bad attack, though Landa needs to stop looking back and just go all-in. The peloton immediately explodes, riders going out the back with a quickness.

Just like that the GC group is down to nine riders and the gap to the break is under two minutes. Sepp Kuss (Visma – Lease A Bike), last year’s Vuelta winner, is still in the group. Kuss hasn’t really had it this year … probably residual fatigue from the COVID he suffered in July. He’s all the way back in 15th overall, 7:28 down, but maybe he can do something today.

OMG! Up in the break, Castrillo launches a massive attack! I’m not talking about the ‘90s trip hop group either, but an actual attack. He just opens this crazy huge gap in seemingly no time!

And now, in the GC group, instead of Roglic attacking, it’s his teammate Florian Lipowitz who sets down a blistering tempo! Nobody can hold his wheel except Roglic and O’Connor!

And now O’Connor is dropped! Lipowitz just goes and goes!

Finally he pulls off and Roglic takes over, embarking on his long-expected big move to finally take the GC lead.

Castrillo is on the 24% section and his head, which had somewhat stabilized, is now swinging around more than ever.

Mas has clawed his way back to Roglic! The gap to O’Connor is growing, but not that quickly. The Australian (oh, maybe I forgot to tell you, O’Connor is Australian) is still looking pretty good!

And now Vlasov has caught Castrillo but is clearly suffering terribly!

Behind, Mas has passed Roglic and almost seems to be putting the hurt on him!

OMG, Castrillo is putting the pussy on the chain wax! Vlasov had closed the gap but Castrillo won’t give up!

Mas is getting a bit of a gap on Roglic! If he really has the legs, he could finally move up on GC!

Castrillo has got the win! It’s the worst photo ever because it’s so foggy!

Not so long after, Mas comes in, just ahead of Roglic.

Carapaz rolls in, then Kuss, and after just a short bit, O’Connor gets over the line. I’d say he lost only about forty seconds today, which is kind of a coup, really.

Castrillo is super happy, needless to say. They interview him right past the finish line, before he’s even had a chance to compose himself.

INTERVIEWER: [unintelligible]

CASTRILLO: [translated by Bob Roll, who I think speaks no Spanish] It was really satisfying for everybody, including me.

INTERVIEWER: You really think it was satisfying for Vlasov? I’d say he’s actually super bummed.

CASTRILLO: Did I say “everybody”? I meant me.

INTERVIEWER: You had us all on pins and needles for the last few kilometers there. Mainly we were worried that, the way your head was swinging around, you were going to lose your sunglasses.

CASTRILLO: I wasn’t thinking much about my sunglasses. In fact I kind of forgot all about them.

INTERVIEWER: Do you think that single-minded focus is why you’ve won two stages in this Vuelta?

CASTRILLO: No, it’s more about me just being hella fast.

Okay, you got me: there’s no Spanish word for “hella,” and yes, I did make up that entire transcript. Only one line of the actual interview was translated for me and that didn’t sound accurate, either.

Roglic has made a U-turn at the summit and appears to be riding down the mountain, not wanting to sit around at the summit and freeze his ass off. I guess this is his silver lining for not getting the red leader’s jersey today … no boring podium celebration to wait around for.

Here is the stage result:

I missed the nicely formatted result page somehow and had to grab that from cyclingnews. Note that they spelled the winner’s name wrong, sheesh.

Here’s the top 20 since there were some sizeable gaps today. You’ll probably have to click this to zoom in so it’s legible, and if that doesn’t help, call tech support.

For all the work Landa’s team did, he only ended up with ninth, and lost another 20 seconds to Mas and 14 seconds to Carapaz. He might have done better just to sit in … I mean, what did all that tempo-setting really gain him? But then, I guess you gotta try…

Here is the new GC:

They’re interviewing O’Connor now.

INTERVIEWER: People thought you’d lose the jersey today.

O’CONNOR: I’m happy to prove them wrong again. It went well, though that was a horrible ending to the climb, it was disgusting.

INTERVIEWER: How did you deal with the attacks?

O’CONNOR: There was only one attack but it was very impressive, then I couldn’t see anything with the fog, it was rough.

INTERVIEWER: You still have 43 seconds, what do you think about that?

O’CONNOR: I’m just happy to still be in the lead.

INTERVIEWER: You have a new record for an Australian: number of days leading a Grand Tour.

O’CONNOR: [surprised, delighted] Really?

INTERVIEWER: Yes, [Phil] Anderson led the Tour [de France] for 9 days, you’ve now exceeded that.

O’CONNOR: That’s great. Good day today, I’m happy with the boys, happy with myself.

INTERWIEVER: Thank you.

O’CONNOR: No worries. [He always says this at the end of an interview and kind of rolls it into one truncated word, “nworr’s.”]

INTERVIEWER: uiyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Okay, I did something rare just now: I transcribed the interview as accurately as I could, and I think I got most of it. That’s what can happen when people actually have something interesting to say. Alas, I couldn’t stick the landing at the end there because my cat started walking on the keyboard. Dang it!

Well, that’s about it for today. Tomorrow is the final rest day, then O’Connor has six more days of suffering as he attempts to defend his jersey. He’s probably doomed, but then that’s what they said about Don Quixote….

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